A review of Dr. Dre’s Coachella set in the form of a graph of charisma levels on stage.

1. It’s Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg, and they’re opening with The Next Episode.
2. Inevitable realisation that Dr. Dre is old and massive and not that cool, coinciding with ‘new material’.
3. Back to G-funk classics.
4. Nate Dogg slideshow disappears, revealing Kurupt alongside Snoop. Warren G appears wearing a ‘warren g .com’ tshirt.
5. An attempt is made to excite the crowd for the arrival of Wiz Khalifa, continuing a run of songs that Dr. Dre wasn’t ever involved with.
6. Snoop Dogg leaves the stage entirely, leaving Dr. Dre and Kendrick Lamar alone together in front of many thousands of people. The song’s great, yeah, but that’s a charisma chasm.
7. 50 Cent appears with Tony Yayo, who actually does nothing but hype for 50 Cent. Snoop also reappears, apparently about half a minute late, which is great.
8. A hologram of Tupac Shakur performs two songs, including a song with Snoop, who raps at the hologram as if it’s real.
9. Eminem makes a joke about having to leave because he has a cab waiting for him.
10. Show closes with Dre and Snoop disappearing into the stage after Still D.R.E.

Ghost-wop is now officially a thing.

It’s a time of celebration here in Those Geese dungeons. Finally, 2.5 years after it was initially mooted, ghost-wop is officially a real thing, with Patrick Kelleher set to release his tape of classic doo-wop covers for this Saturday’s Record Store Day.

It will be released on Long Lost Records, who have also got a tape by (We Are Loser/ex-Super Extra Bonus Party member) Adultrock and an album by Retreat From Moscow, all of which you can get in Elastic Witch at Twisted Pepper on Saturday. You can hear both of those things online and order all three straight from Long Lost, but if you do that you’ll miss free live shows by Girls Names and Simon Bird, both of whom feature in the Top Ten Irish Acts Right Now list I never have the balls to actually post.